Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Five things I would rather do than fold laundry

I wish it would go away, but it just keeps staring at me from the basket in the corner.

What?

That.

The laundry.

It’d be great if it would fold itself, but it can’t; it doesn’t have arms. I can think of nearly a million and one things I’d rather do than put it away. Here are five:

Nap.
This one tops the list and goes without saying. These days, I’d pretty much rather nap than, well, be awake, period. But, alas the kids always stand in the way of this one. I can’t very well expect Scotty to change his own diaper or boil his dinner pasta on the stove. (Not without Child Protective Services being called, anyway.) And what about Kennedy? She’s got excellent upper body strength for a seven-month-old, but I don’t think she’s got the necessary motor skills to hook me up to the breast pump, extract the milk, and feed herself all while I remain comatose and curled up in a ball.

Drink champagne.
Now, this one is right up there with a nap. In fact, I don’t know which one I’d love to seduce more – my Egyptian cotton bed sheets or a crisp, cool sparkling glass of champs, my libation of choice. But just like I don’t sleep while my kids are awake and under my care, I don’t drink, either. Rather, this savory treat is reserved for when the kids are in bed and have been asleep for a while. And by a while, I mean at least one minute: I put them down at 7:57 p.m., and have my glass in hand by, oh, 8:01 p.m.

Blow up Scott’s bevy of game day footballs.
You can’t shake a stick around here without knocking over a commemorative football (i.e. the footballs that were used during both college and NFL games Scott has played in; when a player is awarded the title of MVP for that particular game, then said player is given the ball to keep). These balls are like crabgrass; they’re on display everywhere this house. And they often lose air, which makes them the opposite of display-worthy. (Look at the one on the bottom right in the photo above.) Yeah, I could hook them up to one of those inflation-tube-thinga-ma-jiggies. But I could also go the extra mile and try and blow them up myself. What with all the effort that would exert, wouldn’t that burn a few hundred calories? Come to think of it, wouldn’t this exercise count as cardio?

Watch Barney with Scotty.
Heck, you know I really don’t want to fold the laundry when I’d voluntarily watch a human dressed in a dinosaur costume lip sync to one of the most annoying songs in the history of children’s television – and as luck would have it, the “I love you, you love me” theme song is among Scotty’s favorites. Lucky me.

Clean out my lingerie drawer.
It’s bad in there. And by bad, I mean horribly embarrassing. Where else can you find too-small thong underwear, pregnancy granny panties, expired coupons, and my favorite childhood stuffed animal, simply named “Monkey,” whose ear is hanging by a thread? My lingerie drawer is where useless things come to die. I haven’t cleaned it out in years, but the idea of doing so suddenly seems mildly appealing when contemplating folding the wash.

But since I don’t have the freedom to nap, the lung capacity to blow up twenty footballs, the will to let go of pitiful stuffed relics from my childhood, the patience to allow the Barney theme song to weave its way back and forth through my ear canal all day, or the poor judgment to enjoy my Special K with alcohol while the kids are underfoot, then I guess I may as well just fold the damn laundry.

C'mon. I know I'm not alone on this one. What would you rather do than fold the laundry?

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28 comments:

  1. I'm with you. I detest folding laundry.

    I'd also like to nap and drink champagne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew it! We were separated at birth. Now, if only I could catch upon Game of Thrones...then we'll be in lockstep. (I have no freakin' idea where I'm going to find the time to watch the previous season. (Sigh.) I should have just joined The Hubs in watching this from the beginning...

      Thank you for commenting!

      Delete
  2. OMG...I love this! I would actually rather listen to my husband tell me how to load the dishwasher the 'right' way, than fold laundry. I'd rather clean the litterbox than fold laundry.

    It could be quite possibly the worst chore ever invented. Thankfully, I'm teaching my kids how to do it, and my 5 year old has perfected towels and underwear folding. She also puts her clothes away....AMEN!

    And I have never watched Scandal - but it's on my list. Game of Thrones...what's that? Sorry...can't watch tv...to busy FOLDING LAUNDRY!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's it, Kristen! That's the ticket: Enlist the little ones for cheap (or free) labor! I'm light years away from that with Kennedy, but I figure I should be able to get Scotty on board by this summer with regard to matching up the socks and folding at least his pants. That will take at least some of the edge off...but it's the bedding that I truly hate. (He's still too small for that, though. He's liable to get lost in a bed sheet...)

      I've never watched Scandal, either. I think we are the only two people left on Planet Earth who can't recite a line from Olivia Pope.

      Don't even get me started on my TV Wish List. My DVR is drowning over here in stuff that has never been watched...

      Thank you for commenting. xo

      Delete
  3. OMG you got to look at one of my couches! It is filled with clothes I haven't folded yet. My schedule has been way too busy lately with my job, blogging, attending events, kids, Mr. M, and so on. We find ourselves digging through the clothes to find our things. SMH! I need maid or something!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Louida, don't I know it!

      Our basement steps are right near one of the entries of our dining room, and I conveniently stop off at the couch in the dining room and dump the clean clothes there until I'm ready to fold them (which is half past never.)

      The funny thing is, even if I am bored to tears with absolutely nothing to do, I STILL would never find the gumption to fold clothes.

      Yet another thing you and I have in common...

      Have a great day, and thank you for commenting.

      Delete
  4. Hello Courtney -

    Ha! I totally understand as I keep telling my husband, "We must not let these clothes pile up, we must not let these clothes pile up!" Uh and EVERY single time, they do the opposite of what I have spoken into the earth. What is wrong with us that we don't just fold the clothes after we get them out of the dryer like my mother did. Oh, but before the dryer, she would be outside folding the clothes as she retrieved them from the clothing line (remember those)

    Folding clothes for me is just painful and my husband and two kids get involved and it is still painful.

    Go Lions!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, Yulunda, you pretty much summed it up: Painful. I can't believe I did not mention that word once in this post, but few adjectives come close...

      And my mother did (and still does) the same thing, what with the folding of the clothes immediately upon retrieving them from the dryer -- no procrastination whatsoever.

      I don't know how I got this way. It sucks.

      And, yes, GO LIONS!!! I hope you'll still be in the mood to read more NFL posts in the near future because I have some pretty cool ones coming over the next few weeks...including this Friday!

      Thank you for reading, Yulunda!

      Delete
  5. Of course I am going to be the odd woman out here...I like doing laundry. I know I am a freak of nature but I was home with my boy for 14 years and have a very strong SusieHomemaker gene in me. I like cleaning cause it's like this instant gratification thing. Dirty now it's clean. I do hate grocery shopping though. The hubs does it for me...he's a peach!

    That ball is hilarious and a little pitiful at the same time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Susie. You have to rub it in, don't you? Sigh...

      I'm right there with you regarding the cleaning, and it's not like I dislike doing the laundry. I'm on board with the washing part, and then transferring the clean, wet clothes into the dryer.

      After the clothes are dried...now THAT'S when I cash out.

      I can take or leave grocery shopping though, and, like your hubs,mine does it as well!

      Yes, the ball was in a pitiful state when I took that photo...and it remains in a pitiful state as I type this. lol

      Delete
  6. That's why one of the first things I told hubby when I married him was I don't do laundry. He takes his out. I do mine whenever...eventually...

    One of my friends posted this and I thought it might be helpful to you:
    http://hisandherhobbies.blogspot.com/2014/05/his-spill-mat-for-toddlers.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LEXA!!!!!!!!! You're back!!! I've missed you. How did your blog hop go?

      "I do mine whenever...eventually..."

      This was me before the kids came along. Am I a bad person if I admit to missing that nearly as much as sleeping in on Sundays?

      I'm off to read the link you provided. Judging from the title in the link alone, I'm thinking the author and me are kindred spirits...

      Thank you for coming back! xo

      Delete
  7. I shit you not Courtney (can I say shit on your blog?), I stopped mid-post because I had to go up and get laundry to fold and put a load in the washer. It never ends!!! I thought you were mad and wanted to explode those footballs when you said 'blow them up' - hahaha! I too am a bubbly girl - champagne, moscato, prosecco, sparkling wine. If it has bubbles, I want it. A celebration is not needed for me to have some champagne. cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you say shit on my blog?

      C'mon now, Susan. Let's be real. Have we met? It's me: Your friend who wrote about building a log cabin on the gurney as she delivered her child.

      I love me some moscato, too. Have you ever had ice wine? It is super sweet and is generally reserved for dessert (I think it is actually classified as a dessert wine), but, meh, tastes great with anything, if you ask me!

      I am mildly jealous that your laundry is already folded.

      Delete
  8. LOL I'm with you (except blowing up the footballs) I'd much rather be shopping for starters lol....with me I don't mind the folding but for some reason I hate putting it away I'll have baskets full of folding laundry for weeks at a time.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Cookie, you mean to tell me you stop short of putting it away?! What? Why? You are more than half-way home!

      You are still light-years away from me in this department, though, as I -- and I'm embarrassed to actually admit this -- have to root through baskets to retrieve wrinkled items All. The. Time.

      I am not proud of this fact.

      Thank you for commenting. <3

      Delete
  9. To answer your question on my blog, I got the Poo Dough from WalMart ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol Thank you!! It has been added to the list. :-)

      Delete
  10. BAHHAAH! The lingerie sneaking out of the drawer...like you weren't gonna catch it...
    I like your dedication to laundry avoidance. It's in the top 5 of most annoying things in life.
    -Sandra

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wanna know the worst part?

      That photo wasn't even staged.

      Delete
  11. Laundry is neverending! drives me crazy. Thank you so much for sharing with us at Turn it Up Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sigh. Debbie, as I type this, there is a load of washed-yet-unfolded laundry on a stool adjacent to our living room's wet bar, of all places.

      I'm telling you, my laundry is multiplying at the rate of wet gremlins.

      Thank you for visiting -- and commenting. Happy Mother's Day.

      Delete
  12. You'd rather watch Barney than fold laundry? Wow. And Barney is ANNOYING. Although maybe I can't really talk. For whatever reason (I must have messed his up at some point), my husband does all of the laundry in the house...
    and HI, Courtney!! xo

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, Kristi!! I miss you!!

      Okay, first things first: Since your husband has relieved you of laundry duty, you do not get to bitch along with the rest of us poor souls who find ourselves folding (or avoiding the folding of) piles and piles of laundry.

      But your comment has got me to thinking: Hmmmm...so all I have to do is f-up the laundry, by, say, bleaching all of Scott's darks? I can do that. Yes, I can do that!!! lol Ding, ding, ding!

      Thank you for swinging by, and HAPPIEST MOTHER'S DAY to you, you awesome mama.

      I've owed you a visit for some time now, so here I come...

      Delete
  13. Kettle meet pot. Hate folding laundry. However, I would consider drinking champagne whilst folding laundry. Really fab blog!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ah, Samantha, you've got the spirit (pun totally intended): laundry + a sparkling libation = tolerable. lol

      Thank you so much for your kind words -- and for commenting! :-)

      Happy Mother's Day.

      Delete
  14. Ha! I have many things I would rather do than fold laundry. Eat chocolate. Sit in the sun. Take a bath...oh, the list goes on and on. Thanks for giving me a laugh as I start my day!! Smiles!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh, Elizabeth, I am actually embarrassed by the lengths I will go to to avoid folding laundry.

      Wait.

      No, I'm not embarrassed. I just dislike it THAT much! lol

      Thank you for commenting, and enjoy the rest of your day. :-)

      Delete

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